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Tuesday, August 9, 2016

Wacky Things that Writers Google

TODAY WE SHALL BE DISCUSSING A VERY IMPORTANT AND SERIOUS (*cough*) PART OF WRITING. It's called 'research' and don't worry it's not as scary as it sounds. (Actually it's a writer's worst nightmare but don't tell.) The things we must know for our novels are wide, varied, and oftentimes DOWNRIGHT ODD. (We're a strange bunch, hence we have nothing to say to this accusation.) 

Basically between all of us we know everything from how to use a toaster to blow dry your hair to how to use origami ice cubes to stop the penguin apocalypse. (Ha no I totally did not make those up on the spot they are completely legit so don't question.) Plus, we network extremely well. So in other words, with this wealth of shared information, we'll most likely be ruling the world in approximately 4.3 years. You're welcome for the warning.

How long does it take to bleed to death?
Depends on whether it's your pinky bleeding or your chest.

Symptoms of cyanide poisoning
Someone else was quick to say 'Other than death?'

How to hotwire a car.
Don't get caught.

Hierarchy of a Medieval Kitchen
I literally read this as 'kitten' like twelve times before I realized what it really said.

How far can the human eye see on the ocean?
Depends on whether you're blind or have 20/20 vision.

Symptoms of hypothermia
I'm gonna go with a distinct cold feeling.

Dragon species with fur
But don't they have... scales?

Snail magic
If snails had magic they wouldn't be so easy to kill.

All the baby names
Because we can think of 496 ways for our MC's best friend to die, but not one name for him.

What are the ten most common fears?
O.O I have no clue. I'm going with 'fear of heights' and 'fear of the dark' as the two biggest though.

What are the chances of surviving a serious wolf attack without modern medicine?
Heeeyy incidentally my characters just got attacked by wolves.

How to spell *insert word*
There's always that ONE WORD. (Random note, but for the longest time mine was separate. Of course now I can spell it perfectly every time.)

What does fear smell like?

What does adrenaline smell like?

apple bread
Now I want to know if this is a thing.

what getting shot feels like

How high do birds fly?
OKAY SERIOUSLY THOUGH didn't we all want to know this as kids?

If you're moving faster than sound, can you hear yourself scream?
Try it and let me know how that goes.

How to knock someone out quickly
I'd recommend ninja moves.

how to hypnotize someone
Why would you Google this just ask me.

how to tell if you are being hypnotized
You can't. *insert evil laugh*

(Special thanks to all the folks from the One Year Adventure Novel Writing Forum for letting me use these in a post.)

What are some things that you've been researching lately? Anything strange that you've googled for the sake of novel research? :D

~ Jonathan


  1. Finally! I've been waiting for this post for forever! This was awesome and I love the little quirks under each one. Some of them made me laugh out loud. Great job! I might have to do a blog post like this. XD

    1. IKR IT ONLY TOOK ME LIKE A MONTH. XD Oh haha glad you enjoyed! Go ahead! :D

  2. XD I have definately googled at least half of these things, oddly enough.

    1. OH WOW REALLY that's actually quite impressive. XD

  3. OKAY, FAVORITE POST EVER!!!! YOU (and the other OYANers that donated to the cause XD) WIN THAT PRIZE. XD
    I remember someone saying "other than death?" XP But i don't remember what info that search turned up...Don't tell anybody. :P

    Now I want to go read that topic again... XP

    1. HAHA WELL GLAD YOU LIKED IT! (actually I think it was mostly everyone else that helped :D)
      Bahaha yeah that was Mark I'm pretty sure. XD

      Lol go ahead! :D

    2. I showed it to my brother, and liked it also. :) (hey, you made the list and commentary. :P but OYANers are awesome. :) )
      I don't remember, but that sounds right. :P

    3. (Yep, it was Mark.)
      Wait, I made it in there twice. How did I not notice this the first time? O.o I forgot what I looked up, I guess. :P

    4. Ooh glad he enjoyed! :) (haha well I guess that's true)
      Haha yep you did! :D

    5. Was it me? Oh. I thought someone beat me to that one.

    6. Yup, it was you. I checked. :)

  4. XD Oh my word! This was so hilarious! LOL!I love this one:
    "If you're moving faster than sound, can you hear yourself scream?
    Try it and let me know how that goes."

  5. OMW if I was sipping my coffee right now, I would have totally just spit it all over my computer THAT'S HOW HARD I WAS LAUGHING.
    And um, as an editor, I totally do this too. Wait. Correction. As a curious human, I totally of this all. the. time. xD

    "If you're moving faster than sound, can you hear yourself scream?" Oh gracious. xD

    AND I STILL SPELL SEPARATE WRONG. (I just did it now, as I was typing it. *headdesk* [Thank you, autocorrect.] I always put an 'e' where the 'a' should go...) And the other one used to be license. I can spell it now, but all through drivers ed, I spelled it "liscense."

    1. HAHA well it's a good thing you weren't sipping coffee then. XD Glad you like it though! :)

      Ikr that one was just so brilliant and beautiful and I just had to include it. XD

      I FINALLY LEARNED IT *pumps fist* Took me long enough though. I used to do the same thing. :) Oh yeah license is a hard one also.

  6. This was fun. :) And you should totally turn it into a blog link up or tag where we all share some of the most interesting/weirdest things we've researched and give info on them. :)

  7. *snickers* What can I say? This is hilarious. Genius. Utterly epic. XD

    Oh, yes, I've certainly googled lots of odd things. To the point where if my parents checked my search/browser history, they would probably be concerned...with good reason. How many times can one be shot in the limbs without dying, side affects of subdural hematoma, how long it takes a plane to crash, and the worst German POW camp of WWII would take the cake for the being the strangest for me. :P

    1. *swooping bow* Thank you, thank you. :P

      Hahaha those are good ones though! And hey, there's nothing you can do about it if you have to know it for your novel... XD

  8. Oh my goodness I read it as kitten too! When you said you read as kitten I was like, "Wait that's not what it said??" XD Great post! :D :D
    btw one of the most distinct symptoms of hypothermia is when a person no longer feels cold (when they obviously should). Kinda ironic, i know.
    Have you ever read any of Frank E. Peretti books?

    1. Bahaha it's an easy mistake to make! :P Thank you!
      oh that's interesting... I didn't know that. XD
      Hmm... I don't think so but I have heard a lot about him! :)

  9. Beautiful, beautiful. And now I really want to make apple bread a thing. Like, that could totally be a thing, right? If banana bread is ... although bananas are thick and dense and very bread-able. Hmmmm. *goes to ponder this*

    I guess it's not really that odd, but the last writing related research I did was on a pair of white Bengal tigers fighting, if their toes were actually called toes or something else feline and scientificy, and a deaf girl laughing (it was sooooo cute!).

    1. Haha thanks! Saaaaaaaaaaame. XD If you ever get it to work let me know because I want some. :P

      Lol that's actually pretty interesting! I never would have researched Bengal tigers or deaf people... XD

  10. Haha! This is the best XD I have gotten so many weird looks from my family because of Google searches :P

  11. I've done a lot of searching on psychological torture for my novel. I also watched waterboarding on youtube, but that was just out of curiosity xD

  12. WOW. This was HILARIOUS!! Here's a couple I've Googled recently:
    Medieval clothing
    Basics of medieval swordsmanship
    English classes (hierarchy)
    Medieval songs
    Strange, unknown diseases during the middle ages and their symptoms (other than the plague and preferably ending in death)
    Medieval courtship (O.O Don't ask. Just don't)

    Thanks for this post. It brightened my day and made me burst out laughing. XD Which are not necessarily the same thing. ;)

    1. WELL THANK YOU. -bow- XP
      Ooh well those sound interesting! (And... ok FINE as much as I want to I will exercise self restraint and not ask. XD)

      No problem! Glad you enjoyed! :)

  13. Oh, this was an awesome post!!! I've searched some really super weird things...ya know, things like..."what kind of terrorist organizations there" and "how can you find out more about them?"
    I was glad I found most of the answers on the FBI website, otherwise...to anyone randomly checking my search history, it would have looked BAD! ;P
    I have to say my favorite of the ones you listed is "If you're moving faster then sound, can you hear yourself scream?" Oh goodness! That is an awesome question! xD

    1. Thanks! :D Hahaha those do sound QUITE interesting. :P
      IKR that one was good!

  14. Im sitting here laughing at how fear smells like pizza... Lol

    I love your blog and the way you have so much humor in your writing

  15. SO many weird things to research. My browsing history is probably the most ridiculous/disturbing thing about me to be honest.
    Thanks for the light-hearted post. I enjoyed the sarcasm muchly.

  16. My best google search is ''do platypuses get rabies?''
    Who would have guessed?

    1. PFFT MARK OF COURSE THEY DO. XD I mean... I would think so?

  17. AHAHA, writers do google some pretty ridiculous things. xP At least, ridiculous to those around us. ;P

    Oh, and I do know that one of the symptoms of hypothermia is feeling warm after you've just been absolutely freezing... *shivers*

    1. Lol it's so true! :D

      Aaahhhh well that kinda makes sense. XD

  18. Great post! Some of those questions are quite amusing. XD
    One of my searches went along the lines of
    "what poisonous leaves can be hidden in a salad"
    Ah yes...Us writers most definitely have very interesting google histories. ;)

  19. Hehe, great post, Jonathan! I don't know what was funnier, the questions themselves or the comments you added for each :P

  20. Ahhhh, this is so true!! XD Writers are the type that would do great on television game shows. Need to know a bunch of random, often otherwise useless facts? No problem, already way ahead of you!

    I'm having a hard time remembering some of the more funnier searches I've done, which makes me sad because I know there are some good ones in there. It really is amazing what we end up learning from our stories, though, isn't it? I can't draw to save my life, but thanks to YouTube (and people who *can* draw), I've been slowly working on creating fantasy world maps, weapons, and other necessary things for building a world. ...that is, until I stopped for some reason. :p

    Great post, Jonathan! Made me smile!

    1. LOL THAT'S SO PROFOUND THOUGH. XD Like that would literally make a good blog post. "Why Writers Would Do Fabulous in Jeopardy" XP

      Ah well yup that's so true! :D (And neither can I draw just fyi XD) That's great though! :)

      Thanks, Eve! Glad you enjoyed! :D

  21. Haha, this is great, Jonathan. As a fellow writer, I appreciate this on many levels.

    I once did some research on different types of amnesia...I think. ;-)

    1. Well I'm glad you enjoyed it! :)

      Ooh that sounds quite interesting... I didn't even know there was more than one type... XP


    'how long does it take for a body to decompose' I swear I'm not a murderer.

    Seriously though, thank you for this,


      O.O Well alright then, just don't tell that to anyone official. :P

      Glad you enjoyed! :)

  23. YES. THIS.

    I showed it to my mom, and I'm not sure if I proved to her that all OYANers are crazy psychopaths, or that I'm really not the only one. Probably both.

    Hm... most recently it was 'how long does it take to dissolve a body in acid', because a friend didn't want it in her search history. I've also done 'grievous injuries from the late 8th century'.

    1. THANKS XD

      Hahaha yeah probably both... :P

      O.O Oooh ok well that's... interesting lol. XP

  24. This is soso funny. 'depends if you're bleeding from your pinky finger or your chest' ' what getting shot feels like' 'painful' I'm dying here, jonathon. Please help. One of the latest things I googled was young county, texas because I was claiming it was rural but actually totally making this up. (and have I ever even been to the states? no)


    Did you here that? That was the sound of me dying. Of laughter. (The best way to die ... or so I've heard.)

    Brilliant post! XD

  26. This is just plain hysterical and so true.
    Should authors be locked up? That wouldn't be so bad it would give us more time to write and conduct our bizarre research!
    This is great, Jonathan - I laughed out loud.



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